And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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