I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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