Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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