Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
