mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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