I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
