Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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