I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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