Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
