So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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