My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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