How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
