So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Less talking, more tequila
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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