having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
