Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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