she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
