Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
