Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
