one might say we're banned from that church
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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