Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
