The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
