I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
