I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
