Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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