Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
