i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
