He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
