To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize