WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
