I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
