There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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