1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
