i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
