Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize