He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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