so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
