I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
