I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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