Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
