i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
