would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
