I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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