We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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