So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
