loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
