my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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