life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize