Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
