Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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