would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
