every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
