I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
