My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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