i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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