I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize