planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
