I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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