Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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