Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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