remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
