I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
