Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
