i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
