Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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