Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
