Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
