she woke up with a sticky ear
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
