The maid of honor just puked.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
