I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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