Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
