She is in my trunk
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
