I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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