Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
