Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
