i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
