Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's like iHOP with fire
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
