Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
