Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
this hospital has no fireball
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
