I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
