And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
