youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His nipple licking is glorious
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