Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
