i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
