So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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