i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
a search helicopter?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize