Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
