I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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