I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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