So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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