I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
