My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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