I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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