take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
