This is not my ceiling
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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